Anxiety cure!…well, for now

Yes, I know there is no “cure” for anxiety, there are just ways to cope with it or lessen its severity. There has been something I’ve kept reading that has worked for me.

This past weekend I took a trip up to my hometown Erie, PA. It was nice to get out of the big city and it’s stress. I’ve taken weekends away up there before, but that isn’t what has calmed my anxiety.

I spent time with family, relaxing on the back deck in the late summer weather. Cool evening fires by the fire pit. Grilling and enjoying family time. I’ve done that many times before, but that hasn’t ever calmed my anxiety like this past trip has.

It was Sunday when me and the boyfriend planned on going kayaking on Presque Isle. The kayaks were packed up, we woke up at 9am, and headed out the the peninsula. Nature! Floating quietly in the lagoons. Wildlife. Clear, blue skies with the sun shining down on us. Getting lost in the twists and turns of the waterways. Seeing other kayakers out having a relaxing Sunday as well. The insects chirping and buzzing. Geese feeding on the water. The breeze was perfect. Connecting with nature and seeing it’s beauty and realizing THIS is life.

It was an escape in nature that has helped my anxiety. It’s only Tuesday, but my anxiety has been at an all time low in the longest time…I can’t remember when I felt this at ease for this long. My worries aren’t there anymore and I feel as if I have been re-set. I haven’t woken up in the middle of the night lately. I’ve actually gotten two good nights sleep over the past couple of days. It’s great! I’ve read that nature helps ease your mind and calms your stress…it has been a while since I’ve connected with nature and now I realize I need to do that more often.

The peace of nature has instilled the peace back into me. At least for now…now I know what to do when I start feeling stressed and anxious. Being outdoors away from the people and places that cause you stress. Escape into the world of nature. I mean…that is how we originally lived. Get back to your roots and connect with nature again.

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Still the same

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything. I guess the overwhelming thoughts and anxiety had gotten the best of me. What do you do when it’s just too much to even vent about it?

Still lying awake at night, still uneasy all hours of the day, and my mind is still racing. How do you suppress these over active thoughts? It seems too much sometimes.

Sometimes, for no reason, my anxiety producing thoughts rule my life. How the hell do you change that?

My biggest fear

Change. I've been living this lie. Working a corporate job, making millions for top executives while I make pennies, contributing nothing to the world. Comfort. A steady paycheck. I hate it…my job has been my biggest anxiety trigger…but if it's change I fear, then it's change I need.

By the end of this month I will have completed the requirements to re-activate my massage therapy license. After that…I'm making the change to make my life better…more meaningful. It's been one talent that I've been praised for. Knowing what aches people is intuitive to me. It takes somebody who has endured this pain to know that I don't want others to feel the same. I'm not just talking about physical pain…but also mental pain. Nobody should feel the anxiety and depression that I feel. And my gift to the world, will help lessen that pain in others.

This starts my journey to stop playing the victim. To start making a difference in the world. To help other people.

Change is a scary thing because it's uncertain. But it only goes the path that you choose. If you go into with doubt, then you'll still live in fear. If you go into it with passion and determination, then you have nothing to lose.

I am going to try my hardest to stay positive and to realize that I'm making the best out of myself.

It's time…

The Monster in My Room

It hides in the darkness waiting until I fall asleep. In the middle of the night, it silently wakes me up. When it disturbs me in my sleep, it keeps its grasp on me…not letting me go. This monster makes my heart pound, makes my mind race…it keeps me up for hours. No matter how hard I try to fight it away, it holds on to me tight. If I do happen to fight it off, I'm only able to for a brief period of time before it awakens me again. I wish for just one night that the monster would stay away, to not show itself. Let me sleep.

But how far can this monster really go when it lives inside my mind.

It happens again…

Here I am. Again. Another sleepless night. What felt like maybe a couple minutes of sleep here and there, but mostly laying here consciously awake throughout the night.

Holding back on looking at my phone because I don't want to be disappointed that it's anywhere close to 5am. Gave in. Looked at it, and it was 5:20. Shit. No point in trying to go back to sleep since I have to get up in 40 minutes. Plus, my anxiety catches a hold of me each time I wake up. My anxiety does not like to sleep.

How do I control this? Kill this anxiety? Breathing techniques don't work for me.

I am ALWAYS waking up between 3am-5am…I know why…and I’m working on it!


What time do you always wake up in the middle of the night and what is that trying to tell you? Click the link below to find out:
http://www.rebelcircus.com/blog/often-awake-3-5-higher-power-might-trying-tell-something/

It never fails, and I'm not exaggerating…every night, for as long as I remember, I wake up in the middle of the night and the clock always reads a time between 3am-5am. EVERY night. And then my anxiety kicks in and I end up being up until I have to get up at 6 for my "job".

I am a believer in a higher power, not a religion, but a higher, spiritual power that connects us all to what is life. After reading this article, and other articles explaining the same thing…I believe it more than ever.

I have been slaving away in the corporate world as an accountant for a bank. Not contributing a damn thing to society. It drains me knowing my existence in that job is meaningless. That's the main cause of my anxiety…wondering if my purpose is more than just a 9-5 office worker. It's not.

A couple of years ago I successfully obtained my license to become a massage therapist. I found such a satisfaction in helping people. The gratitude I received made me smile with each client I helped. Knowing that I was on my way to becoming a healer. Being an individual whose purpose was to ease the pain of others. But unfortunately, the issue of money deterred me away of making it a career. So, back to the office I remained…unfulfilled and feeling worthless…letting my massage therapy license expire. Now where is my life going? More anxious days and nights I suppose. No! I will not make that my life!

I am currently in the process of re-activating my license so I can start practicing massage therapy again. Promote myself. Work for myself. Heal people again. Ease the anxiety in others. I know I won't be making the same money, but when you live for passion, the money will come to you. I will love with more satisfaction, with more happiness, knowing that I am a contributing member of the world.

Listen to your instinct. Listen to what calls you. Go to it. Whatever makes you happy, live for it. Don't live the dreams of others. Live yours.